Yesterday, I had one of the most powerful and disturbing dreams I have had in a very long time. It was dream wrapped in guilt and regret. It was a dream steeped in a deep darkness I had hidden away; even from myself. In my more recent practice, I have taken strides to perform ritual at least once per week; normally on Sundays. It is during this time that I will honor the elements and local spirits, my gods, and my ancestors.
But it seems this new work opened gates to these hidden secrets and it was in this dream that not only was I confronted with my past but in such an immersive way that I was rocked to my core upon awaking and immediately sought spiritual council. In my previous post I spoke of creating and paying off debts. But, in that context, it was about a chosen debt; a debt taken on for an objective. But there are also unasked for debts. There are debts that are taken on from past actions and can often be left unpaid because to confront admits not only our own sins in the shadows but to take full responsibility for them to lay them to rest.
In the path of brightening, of cleaning a slate and opening myself to all of the gods and spirits who surround and require my service, paying off this unspoken debt has now been brought to the forefront.
“You can go no further.”
I will now be planning a ritual to address the pain I caused another while also holding me accountable for the part I played in this pain. It will hurt. It will be uncomfortable. But this isn’t about me and perhaps this is also one of another lesson I will learn. Worship, service, the gods and spirits are not only “about me.”